Atsushi Sakurai

     Nevidí sa často, aby v krásnom tele prebývala aj krásna duša, ale Atsushi-sama je dôkazom toho, že je to možné. Ak vezmeme do úvahy, že naša fyzická forma je vlastne materializovaná duševná energia, odraz našej duše, je to len logický dôsledok tohto procesu. Nemohla som si odpustiť trochu antropozofie na začiatok.

     Zrejme ste videli viacero videoklipov a záznamov z koncertov. Bez toho, aby ste vedeli niečo bližšie o jeho živote a osobnosti, je váš dojem pravdepodobne ten, že je to nenormálne krásny muž, talentovaný, sebavedomý, ktorý vie nielen dosť zaujímavo manévrovať so stojanom na mikrofón, ale disponuje aj inými, ehm, pohybovými zručnosťami ;-) Nechcem však generalizovať, isto ste si viacerí všimli melancholickú zádumčivosť a smútok v jeho pohľade.  Zaujímalo ma, čo sa za ním skrýva a chcela som sa dozvedieť viac.

     Našťastie, našla som veľa podrobných prekladov rôznych článkov a rozhovorov, z ktorých som sa dozvedela, že Atsushi to v živote rozhodne nemal ľahké, čo sa odzrkadľuje v celej jeho tvorbe. Celé detstvo i dospievanie bolo poznačené alkoholizmom a násilníckym správaním jeho otca. Citlivé dieťa, introvertné, osamelé, túžiace po láske, bolo svedkom teroru, ktorý páchal otec predovšetkým na jeho matke, ktorú z hĺbky duše miloval a miluje po dnes. Bolo preňho ťažké vyrovnať sa s jej nečakanou smrťou počas turné v roku 1990. Vďačí jej nielen za starostlivosť, ale najmä prejavenú podporu a dôveru v čase, keď sa ťažko rozhodoval, ktorou cestou sa v živote vydať. Môžeme byť len radi, že sa vtedy rozhodol odísť do Tokia a splniť si so svojimi spolužiakmi sen o hudobnej kariére.

     Atsushi sa snažil príliš nevyčnievať z davu, čas trávil osamote, uvažujúc o tom, kam vlastne v živote smeruje. Po smrti otca sa utápal v depresiách a alkohole, predpokladal, že skončiť rovnako už je jeho osudom. Našťastie, jeho poslaním na tomto svete bolo niečo iné (i keď priateľstva s alkoholom sa až tak celkom nevzdal :) Viac sa o jeho ranej mladosti dozviete tu:

Nopperabou: "Sakurai Atsushi", the man.
Marysuecomplex (tumblr): "Love Me" book; Sakurai Atsushi's personal story.

Maldorora (livejournal): Sakurai's Essay in "Love Me" (1987) 

     Umelecká tvorba je spôsob katarzie, očistenia a uvoľnenia emócií. Niet divu, že práve človek, ktorý prežije najviac utrpenia, ho dokáže pretvoriť do hodnotnej umeleckej podoby, zanechajúc vo vás silné dojmy. On sám sa vyjadril, že je to niečo ako vnútorný zdroj inšpirácie, z ktorého dokáže čerpať podnes. Vo svojich textoch sa zaoberá najmä motívmi života a smrti, ktoré sa menia a dozrievajú ako autor sám. Od spôsobu vyrovnávania sa so smrťou oboch rodičov až po úvahy o vlastnej smrteľnosti. Zamýšľa sa nad zmyslom existencie, nevyhýba sa ani spoločenským témam ako je napríklad vojna, lži, manipulácia. No ústrednou líniou jeho tvorby je láska a sex odetý v temnej baudelairovskej dekadencii. Kvety zla (teda Aku no Hana) od Charlesa Baudelaira vo veľkej miere ovplyvnili spôsob, akým píše svoje texty. Odporúčam prečítať si túto zbierku a zaručene nájdete podobnosť.

 

     Ako človek, ktorý neustále túžil po prijatí a láske, balansuje medzi túžbou po spaľujúcej vášni a dokonalom splynutí tiel a duší, no zároveň vyjadruje smútok, sklamanie, znechutenie nad trýznivým, no tak pozemsky prozaickým faktom, že niečo také zrejme nie je možné. Túto myšlienku perfektne opísala Cayce (blog-tick) vo svojej analýze piesne Victims of Love:

"Victims of Love" is not about puppy love, and it's not about losing your virginity. It's not about romantic princes or happily-ever-afters. It's about that moment when you've fucked so much you don't know who you are anymore, and then you're done, and you and your lover become separate people again...your sweat dries and you realize you're cold without your clothes and you snuggle up to them to keep warm, and realize that no matter how close you get to that person you'd like to be part of, you can never actually be one. It's about the morning after, the day after, the week after...the way that even after the most passionate consummation, there's a way in which physical desire can never truly be fulfilled.  There's a way in which the sweetest moment hurts the most. Because you may be able to get inside that person's body, but you can't see inside their heart and mind, and when you're passionately in love with someone, that's what you want. You want everything about them, and it will never truly be yours.“  

Tu sa ešte pristavím pri tom, ako sa prejavuje na javisku. Áno, tento človek má v sebe veľa sexuálnej energie, čo si budeme nahovárať. Avšak nezabúdajme, že aj to je súčasť šou, vžívanie sa do postavy a príbehu hudby, ktorú divákom predstavuje. Všetko sa odvíja od témy, ak je text piesne skôr romantický alebo vážny, jeho "typické" gestá neuvidíte. Môžete sa však pripraviť na dokonalé umelecké vystúpenie.

     Napriek tomu, že z jeho slov cítiť často zúfalstvo a osamelosť, necítim ťažobu depresie, naopak, vyzýva k vôli k životu, k tomu, aby sme sa napriek všetkej bolesti vzchopili a išli ďalej, aj keď rany na duši zostávajú.

     Práve preto je Sakurai-sama mojou veľkou inšpiráciou, mojou múzou a človekom, ktorý si zaslúži rešpekt a úctu. V jeho myšlienkach nachádzam stále nové podnety na zamyslenie a keďže sa snaží rozvíjať svoje obzory v oblasti umenia, vždy sa mi vyplatilo nasledovať jeho hudobný, filmový, či literárny vkus. 

     Považuje sa za perfekcionistu, ktorý však musí prekonávať svoju lenivosť, lebo pri ničom dlho nevydrží. Je svojím najväčším kritikom a snaží sa, aby podal čo najlepší výkon. Je si plne vedomý svojich chýb, napriek tomu, že jeho talent a krásny zovňajšok si získal priazeň mnohých ľudí. Uvedomuje si svoju výnimočnosť aj v tomto smere a vie, ako ju správne využiť, no zároveň sa drží pri zemi tým, že zachádza až do sebanenávisti. Je to jeho spôsob, ako udržať rovnováhu medzi extrémami svojej povahy.

     Aby som však neskončila v takom vážnom tóne (pretože to nie je u mňa zvykom:), Atsushi má rád mačky, nie, on ich zbožňuje! Ani ma to neprekvapuje, taká introvertná duša logicky tiahne k týmto upokojujúcim pradúcim stvoreniam. =) Catsushi s jeho veľkými očiskami, širokým úsmevom a mačkou Tsubaki*, už snáď ani nemôže byť roztomilejší. Je to naozaj človek plný paradoxov.

 

Viac sa dozviete tu: BT Zone/Atsushi Sakurai

     It’s not that often you find a beautiful mind inside of a beautiful body, but Atsushi-sama is the proof you can. Taking into consideration that our physical form is the materialized spiritual energy, a reflection of our soul, it’s just a logical consequence of this process. I couldn’t resist to mention a little bit of anthroposophy :)

     You have probably seen several PV’s and concert videos. If you don’t know anything about his life and personality, you might think he is unearthly beautiful man, talented, self-confident and he not only manages to hold a microphone stand in a very interesting way, but also he has some great motor skills ;-) But I don’t want to generalize, surely many of you have noticed a sorrow and melancholy in his deep thoughtful old soul‘s eyes. So..I was really curious and wanted to know more about him.

     Fortunately, I've found a lot of translated interviews. I’ve read that his life was not so easy and of course, those sad experiences are reflected in his work. During the childhood and adolescence he had to deal with his father’s alcoholism and violent behaviour. A sensitive child, introverted, lonely, longing for love, witnessed father’s violence against mother. He loved her from the bottom of heart. It was hard for him to deal with her sudden death during a tour in 1990. He is grateful to her for caring and supporting him in those hard days and thanks to her he decided to go to Tokyo and fulfill a dream of musical career with his school-mates. 
     Atsushi didn’t want to stick out in a crowd. He spent time alone, thinking about the meaning of his life. After his father’s death he was drowning in depression and alcohol, he supposed to end up like him. Fortunately, he has another role in this world (though he never gave up on his friendship with alcohol :) You can find info about his early life here:

Nopperabou: "Sakurai Atsushi", the man.
Marysuecomplex (tumblr): "Love Me" book; Sakurai Atsushi's personal story.

Maldorora (livejournal): Sakurai's Essay in "Love Me" (1987) 

     Making art is the way of catharsis, it clears and unlocks emotions. Therefore it doesn’t surprise me a man who experienced a deep sorrow, transforms this energy to valuable art, leaving a strong impression on you. As he said in one interview, the pain he experienced in childhood  is something what is deep inside of him and it’s kind of inexhaustible inner source of creativity and inspiration he can draw from to these days. The lyrics vary from theme to theme. He is concerned with life and death, death of his parents or he is contemplating his own mortality. These themes change and become more mature through the time as the author himself. Usually thinking about the meaning of existence, he doesn’t avoid problematic social issues as a war, lies or manipulation. However, his main themes are love and sex, inspired by dark Baudelaire’s decadence. The Flowers of Evil (Aku no Hana) by Charles Baudelaire influenced him in a major way. I really recommend you to read those poems, you will surely find many similarities.  

     As a man who longed for acceptance and love, balances between a burning passion and a perfect body and soul merge. At the same time he expresses the sadness and frustration over the prosaic fact that he can’t reach this ideal. Cayce (from blog-tick) described it perfectly in her „Victims of Love“ song analysis:

  "Victims of Love" is not about puppy love, and it's not about losing your virginity. It's not about romantic princes or happily-ever-afters. It's about that moment when you've fucked so much you don't know who you are anymore, and then you're done, and you and your lover become separate people again...your sweat dries and you realize you're cold without your clothes and you snuggle up to them to keep warm, and realize that no matter how close you get to that person you'd like to be part of, you can never actually be one. It's about the morning after, the day after, the week after...the way that even after the most passionate consummation, there's a way in which physical desire can never truly be fulfilled.  There's a way in which the sweetest moment hurts the most. Because you may be able to get inside that person's body, but you can't see inside their heart and mind, and when you're passionately in love with someone, that's what you want. You want everything about them, and it will never truly be yours.“  

A few words about his stage performance. 

Yes, obviously, he has a lot of sexual energy. But we must not forget it’s also a part of show and putting himself into the story of music. It depends on the song theme, if it’s more romantic or serious, you won’t see his "typical" gestures. Just be prepared for the perfect artistic performance.

    
  
     Despite of fact you can often feel hopelessness and loneliness in his words, I’m not depressed, because he calls for a will to live, wants us to get up and go on despite of everything.

Because of it Sakurai-sama is my biggest inspiration, my muse and a man who deserves respect. His ideas provokes me to think about them. He always learns new stuff that widens his knowledge area and when I have followed his taste in art, music, books or movies, I have always found something what have enriched my mind.

     Atsushi considers himself as a perfectionist, but usually has to overcome laziness, he can’t get himself to do anything for a longer time. He is his own biggest critic, trying his best. Fully conscious of his flaws, though he gained  the admiration of the thousands of people all over the world thanks to his talent and intriguing looks. He knows how to make use of his uniqueness, but at the same time he hates himself- and that’s his way of prevention from being conceited, the way of balancing between two extremes of his personality.

  

    
     But I don’t want to be so serious at the end of the story, (it is not my style :) Atsushi loves cats, no, he adores them! It’s not surprising, introverts usually have deeper connection with these calming and purring creatures =) Catsushi really can’t be more cute with his big eyes, wide smile and his cat Tsubaki*.  He is the man full of paradoxes.
* Tsubaki is his previous cat, she died in February 2015, now he has a Bengal cat "Kurumi"
More info: BT Zone/Atsushi Sakurai