Rolling Stone Japan (2015) Atsushi Sakurai, THE MORTAL: May Everything Goes Through The Catharsis

Rolling Stone Japan Edition vol. 104 (December, 2015)
Interviewer: Joe Yokomizo

Originally translated by: Pikopiko (Спасибо большое за этот совершенный перевод. Великолепная работа!)

English translation by: Natalus

After 11 years from his first solo work, Atsushi Sakurai of BUCK-TICK has launched the new solo project THE MORTAL. The album I AM MORTAL will be released on November 11th. It clearly reflects a worldview related to gothic-rock that has had a significant impact on Sakurai.

This harsh, spectacular and tragic work of art will pull us down into the darkness. Why does Sakurai portray such world in his lyrics and what has preceded it? Through the band with "death" in the title Sakurai talks about his own world and life.

JY: When we translate the word „MORTAL“, we get „the one that is destined to die“. Considering the present times, it seems to me that you have chosen a rather crude title. 

AS: Yes *smile*. I had also another two or three options, but from the legal point of view, I couldn’t use them. „THE MORTAL“ has appeared at the end. After thinking for a long time, I've realized, it’s only fitting because it’s exactly how I will end up.

JY: We met for the first time two years ago. It was backstage at the open air festival. At that time I had the impression that you would kill us if we called you for the interview *smile*. But when we talked to each other, I saw that you are honest and sensitive person.

AS: It just seems to you *smile*. I am faint-hearted.

JY: Really? What you were like as a child?

AS: To be honest, in the interviews I very often talk about my childhood. I was very withdrawn, even in the elementary school teachers write comments on my report card: „I don’t even know if he is here or not.“ I was like that because of my family situation.

JY: What was the problem?

AS: Now I will boast about my misery again, but to put it simply, since childhood I lived in an awfully violent environment because of my father. He beat mother everytime he got drunk. I had to look at it all over again, just when I became aware of myself. I was a gloomy boy and during that whole time I thought: „If the world is like that, then it would be better for me to die.“ To a child, parents are everything. I was the child who was trying to understand: „Why did I have to be born in such place?“

JY: Probably you've been cursing your fate.

AS: Yes, I was angry with father, I felt absolutely hopeless. Basically I didn’t know what it’s like to be interested or absorbed in something. Everything continued until I was 18 and my father passed away...

JY: It had to be a crucial moment in you life. As if you were liberated from it.

AS: Yes. Mother felt relieved too. We hoped we could finally live happily. I felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. Until that moment, all my life I had always made concessions... I had put up with that and then I got exhausted. I was thinking about what to do next. How can I even try to appear like a human, considering the fact that I had such thoughts towards father like: „I will kill him one day.“ However I understood that to my mother, he was one of the family too. Anyway, I honestly had a feeling that the hell finally ended.

JY: Was it your first experience with death?

AS: Yes, when I touched a corpse, I thought: „Oh, so it’s like this. No matter how bad father was, still it was hard to say goodbye to him.“ Those were my first feelings associated with death. Despite of the fact that I wanted him to die soon, I felt that I’ve got a hole left inside of me.

JY: Were you already familiar with music back then?

AS: I started liking music during the last years of elementary school (from 10 to 12 years of age). I saw Julie-san in television and I was so impressed by his beauty that I immediately became his fan.

JY: And when did you become familiar with gothic-rock?

AS: At first I listened to something similar. It was „Let’s Dance“ by David Bowie. In the 80’s, when MTV launched, I got to know a band that had covered Bowie’s songs. Starting from this information I came to Bauhaus. Listening to their music, I immediately plunged myself into darkness.

JY: The gloomy concept of THE MORTAL is expressed by gothic-rock. It is written that the term „gothic“ is derived from the tribe of Goths who destroyed the formerly prosperous Roman culture. This word represents not only the barbarian and contradictory culture of Goths, but also a style of Medieval art developing between the 12th and 15th Century in the territory north of the Alps.

AS: That’s very informative.

JY: At first, European people had a scornful attitude towards this barbarian and irrational culture of Goths. But gradually, when they got to know them more and soaked up the darkness that was independent of mind and light, they thought the world of darkness has its own logic.

AS: How incredible those ancient people were.

JY: Yes, they were. On the other hand, in 21st Century Japan, it seems to me as if a whole society is ruled by rationalism, information and light.

AS: To be objective, when we are talking about miseries of modern life, we have our personal issues in mind *smile*.

JY: Of course *smile*.

AS: Personally, I isolate myself from information. I don’t want to be a source of them either. As for the social media, I’m afraid of them, they‘re out of control. I understand they can make people’s life easier though. It’s because I was the kind of child who was engaged in favourite activities spending all his time in his room. The child who has always played with the same doll, and although he’s grown up now, he’s still doing something like that.

JY: I’m really interested what’s your lifestyle in these bright times? Do you wake up and eat breakfast every morning?

AS: No, I don’t. Total chaos rules my daily schedule *smile*. I don’t have a strenght to live a life of rational society. My problem is that I am like a bat. I’m coming with the evening.

JY: I think these days, people are more likely to prefer sunny places.

AS: Maybe I’m just using it as an excuse, but there are also such people who don’t like the sun. Sometimes I meet people amongst them who find darkness comforting.

JY: As a person who likes the darkness, do you think there’s a truth in it?

AS: Yes, I do. Everybody expresses sympathy after a tragedy, but it seems to me that not everybody give a helping hand. It’s some kind of sudden attack of hypocrisy. When someone says „Let’s hold each other‘s hands“, I think about whether it’s possible to constatntly keep up with that. I’m so distrustful. Probably, it would be difficult for me not to be like that. But there are also people like me, the similar kinds of bats, who feel the opposite way.

JY: What was the impulse to make a solo work with this type of worldview?

AS: I didn’t have any serious reason. I just had some free time.

JY: An earthquake, for example. On March 11. Has it participated in making your decision to start a solo project?

AS: During the earthquake I had a feeling of absolute helplessness. Whatever I’d say would be completely useless. Such encouraging words as „Cheer up!“ don’t work for me. On the other hand, it was clearly necessary to put myself into work, but there was no mood for it. I had not understood how I felt. I admire people who don’t feel despair and find the strength to keep going, but I can’t do it. I have been very worried about everything.

JY: In THE MORTAL that has been created after a while from the earthquake, I have been looking hard for your message related to this event.

AS: At that time I felt helpless, but when I asked myself what I can do, I realized that it will be better to focus on my work. As for THE MORTAL and the earthquake, there’s not a direct link. But because I had time and opportunity to make this project, I’ve decided to put everything that has accumulated into it. I want this spiritual catharsis to go through everything. As for the last song of the album – Sayonara Waltz- it’s the soul tearing song about loss of my close ones but when I listen to it I think about other people and imagine a mother hugging and cuddling her child...

JY: Have you intentionally given such meaning to it?

AS: It has not been my primary intention but I am happy to some degree if it’s perceived in that way.

JY: Though you may like this imagery, does it make sense to sing about life and death at this moment?

AS: As for the writing the album, I’m not particularly interested in any other subject besides this one. Moreover, I’m gradually approaching the age when my parents died. I haven't been fully aware of that, but the waiting for death has always lived in my subconscious. It seems to me, this is the force that drives me to write. Slowly but surely I’m getting old.

JY: Are you close to the age when your father died?

AS: I have two years left to reach the age when my mother died, four years when my father died. Apparently, this album overflows with my fear. My mental condition is linked to the fact that I have reached a certain age.

JY: Is it the death what you are afraid of?

AS: It’s not of death itself, but a loneliness and sadness it leaves behind. When I remember those feelings I have experienced and someone else experiences them now, I remain sad. Please hug those around you until it’s too late. No matter how idyllic it sounds *smile*.

JY:  In which way do you write lyrics?

AS: At first they write music for me. While listening to it, a few key words arise in my mind. Starting from the first impression of the atmosphere, I write lyrics and choose words that fit together with the melody, following only my intuition and fantasy.

JY: Do you write free-hand?

AS: Yes, in the beginning. As soon as lyrics acquire more concrete form, I type them on computer. Sometimes happens that I delete everything at once *smile*, when it seems to me like: „Something’s not right. I’m lying to myself.“

JY: I think you write very openly.

AS: Firstly, it’s because I don’t know how to write professionally and skillfully. Secondly, whether I like it or not, I am my own source material..... my feelings, thoughts, imperfections, hypocrisy. I can write willingly about all those things, without fear of offending someone *smile*.

JY: How it feels to read lyrics you have written honestly about youself?

AS: It’s difficult. But singing about searching for happiness is not for me.

JY: It’s as if you have been exploring yourself?

AS: Something like that. I look for mistakes I might make. Whereas they’re song lyrics, I can embellish myself through them and also deform beauty. It’s better to slightly conceal those things that are too obvious..... Whether it is good or bad, but I do it like that *smile*. I’m afraid that I might hurt other people’s feelings, so if I mock myself, no one will complain about me.

JY: In my opinion, it is a very original approach.

AS: Therefore, when it’s time to go to sleep, I can’t fall asleep, and when it’s time to wake up, I can’t make myself get up. Apart from that, I think I’m happy. When I do my work, eveyrone asks me about my stories, spreads them and so on *smile*.

JY: When I first listened to the album, DEAD CAN DANCE surprised me. In the middle of the song you shout out words from Hamlet’s monologue – to be or not to be...

AS: Although I took those words from Hamlet, it’s just my lament as the character within the story of the album. There is no deeper meaning behind it, but if you find some, I’m not against it *smile*.

JY: I have been busily searching for it *smile*. At the beginning of „Hamlet“, the ghost of King, Hamlet’s late father, tells his son that he was poisoned by the present king, but Hamlet should inherit the throne. The story begins with the words of the supernatural being and then Hamlet has to go through necessary hardships. „Macbeth“ starts with the witches‘ prophecy that he shall be the king but he begins to doubt the necessity of that. He has to go through unnecessary suffering. I think that the essence of THE MORTAL consists in the necessary suffering.

AS: So, that’s my world I’m talking about in the album I AM MORTAL. I inherited my parents‘ habit of suffering, I live my life in agony. Maybe it would be better to do everything for my own good. But not in my case. I suffer with all my might, by all possible means.

JY: It seems to me that such suffering is typical for all kinds of stories.

AS: Do you mean those stories to entertain?

JY: Yes, I do.

AS: I agree with you. Actually, it’s the catharsis. Someone kills someone elses’s father and becomes a king. We look at tears and anger in movies or we read about them in books and these works of art cleanse us from such suffering. I would be pleased if this album became such a work too.

JY: What kind of suffering do you think is necessary? For example, the word „love“ appears quite often in your work. Do you think the love is an inevitable affliction?

AS: Mmmm..... it’s impossible to understand what the love is, I think. We can neither see nor express it through words. What kind of feeling is it? This word is used to describe a romantic relationship between a man and a woman but also a bond between parents and children. I received love from my mother too. I received it from my father in a warped form.  Now I think about the form in which I can trasmit love to my own child. By the way, I’m not going to be too eager over it *smile*. I don’t understand what is that something inside of me that appears to be the love but I know if it’s taken away from us, we feel a terrible sadness and loneliness.

JY: How do you interpret love? Is it a positive feeling?

AS: Where there is love, there is also hate and isolation..... Due to my nature, I don’t consider it entirely positive. Love is a very difficult matter *smile*.

JY: *smile* Yes, giving it to one’s own child is a big deal too.

AS: Maybe it’s better not to „give“ but „feel“. Sometimes I remember: „But my father was like this and my mother was like that“ and so on. It was a very „tearful“ home surroundings I grew up in.

JY: Interesting. Is it current Sakurai’s family also „tearful“? *smile*

AS: It’s just me *smile*.

JY: *smile* One more song that surprised me was Ginyoru.

AS: This story is inspired by ball-jointed dolls. That’s simply my favorite hobby. It is quite a sad story where the main character is thinking about what should he do to make a feelingless doll able to feel. It’s like NHK Minna no Uta, but a little more sad *smile*.

JY: I see *smile*.

AS: I like stories about unrequited love and failure.

JY: There’s a reference to „Grand Guignol“. As far as I know, it’s a Parisian theatre of horror, opened at the end of the 19th century.

AS: That’s my hobby too. The atmosphere of Grand Guignol dominated by a freak show style is my piece of cake.

JY: I have read that Grand Guignol was established in the dark 19th Century Paris, when the positive philosophy has been booming, and in a comical way, it shows up-close look at the human being as a mad and broken creature. In your opinion, do you think we really try to supress our inner demons today?

AS: It seems to me like that. If I talk about such things, people will be probably angry with me, but I’m starting from the assumption that a man, whether we like it or not, is far from being ideal and when I look at people, including myself, I just give a resigned wave of a hand.  When you ask how did I escape a sorrowful destiny... although I have made many mistakes *smile* .....it’s because I had my music, I was able to hide in it and immerse myself into my own world. Now I have no place to hide. If something happened to me, I wouldn’t even know what to do and where to go.

JY: Next song, Tsuki, is also visually interesting. There is some specific line spacing.

AS: I do everything late at night, secretly, being alone and unseen. I wanted to convey this feeling so I have asked for replacing text in booklet this way. Inspired by music, I‘ve put into lyrics my wish to become an immaterial being, a mediator.

JY: So when a sound has found itself in the form of words, then it has taken the form of these lyrics, right?

AS: Yes. Besides that, although it is not possible to have the same vision as the composer, I always keep in mind that he would be glad if I could see what he sees. This song is an inner dialogue in which I ask myself if I do what I really love.

JY: I see. The song „Mortal“ has hit me to the depths of my soul.

AS: Through this one I wanted to clearly express an idea that when I‘ll be dying... no matter how much I would pretend, defy and claim „Let me alone, I’m fine“, in fact I will most likely stare in absolute and uncontrollable awe into the face of death and desperately cling to life.

JY: What do you think and feel now when your album finally came out?

AS: Although I became terribly tired while working on it, now I have a gradually growing sense of fulfillment and satisfaction, because I’ve mastered it. But if they want me to do this every year, I will definitely have a breakdown. In psychological aspect, it was something like burn-out (it was a bit difficult to translate this word, in this context it may mean "explosive feeling" or "exhaustion")

JY: Is there something about the realization of the necessity of death what have opened your eyes?

AS: Again I will brag about my tragedy but my mother died of cancer when everything seemed to go right. I thought: „There’s no god, otherwise he wouldn’t allow such injustice.“ The world is unjust in general. A man is unjust. A society is unjust. I can say that I have become reconciled to it. That’s why I want to devote myself to something I love. If everyone did what they really wanted, perhaps various kinds of wrongdoing would disappear. Personally, I made myself clear that I want to keep doing at least one thing that I really like.

JY: I understand.

AS: The first definition of the word „MORTAL“ is „the one that is destined to die“, but it also means a „man“. Therefore in the album’s title I idiotically claim that „I AM MORTAL“ – „I am a man.“  Although I am destined to die, I feel that when I admitted to myself that I’m a mere mortal, I gave up my excuses. It gives me a chance to decide for what I like to do when I’m faced with a question: „What should I do? And how should I do it?“ Something like that.

JY: Do you mean it as a message to listeners and readers?

AS: No, I don’t have any serious message which I could deliver to everyone. But yet let’s do what we like and we will be mentally alright. Though I have a feeling they will tell me: „You would rather keep quite“ *smile*.

JY: This issue is dedicated to hide-san. A long time ago  you called him on the phone in TV show Waratte iitomo. Is that right?

AS: In some way, it was associated with promotion. But I was really glad that I could introduce hide-kun.

JY: Certainly you drank together many times.

AS: Yes, so many times. I remember that we sat next to each other at the banquet in honor of Issay-san of Der Zibet. There has been a happy occasion for me to talk with him. If there wasn’t Yo-chan (Yoshiki), I would never devote myself to music. His words made a strong impression on me, so I remember them so well.

JY: Hm, I didn’t know about it. And for you, Sakurai-san, is there someone whom you can say about  that if there wasn’t him, you wouldn’t devote yourself to music?

AS: If there wasn’t Imai-san, I wouldn’t be in BUCK-TICK..... probably... I don’t know *smile*. But certainly I can say that thanks to Imai-san, I feel content.